One of the best things about living in the United States is the exposure to so many cultures all in one place. Because so many of us come from different backgrounds, we get the chance to experience traditions that families continue to celebrate and sometimes, if you’re lucky, you’re invited to be part of them. For me, that invitation came while documenting Natasha and Michael’s wedding. This time, I had the chance to experience a Vietnamese Tea Ceremony. A meaningful wedding tradition whose main purpose is to bring the bride’s and groom’s families together.
I had visited Vietnam twice in the past, back when I was designing high-end mountain bikes and touring carbon factories. But even then, I never had the opportunity to participate in the country’s rich traditions.
What is a Vietnamese Tea Ceremony?
A Vietnamese Tea Ceremony is a traditional pre-wedding ritual where the couple serves tea to their parents and elder family members. It’s a gesture of gratitude and respect, symbolizing the unity of two families and the beginning of a new marriage. The groom’s family presents gifts, the couple serves tea while dressed in traditional Vietnamese wedding outfits, and in return they receive blessings and advice from their elders. The ceremony often concludes with a shared meal, bringing everyone together.
Michael’s Vietnamese family history
Michael’s grandparents emigrated to the USA around 1975, most likely due to the traumatic events happening in Vietnam at the time. He still has a large extended family there and has returned to visit them. His mother, born in Vietnam and later married to a non-Vietnamese American immigrant, was especially excited to share this tradition with us. She made sure everyone understood the protocol, since for many of us it was the first time experiencing a Tea Ceremony. She also cooked delicious traditional food (and I’ll admit, I happily went back for seconds). Michael’s father was very touched and emotional during the ceremony. It likely reminded him of when he was the groom serving tea years ago. I felt welcome in this important family event and I am grateful I was so warmly invited in.
Curious what it looks like? Here is what my experience of a Vietnamese Tea Ceremony looked like.
The “Getting Ready”
This specific ceremony was a little off track from the official tradition. Natasha is not from a Vietnamese family and therefore everything happened at Michael’s house. Normally the ceremony would have happened at her parent’s house. So before the ceremony begins, like in some western traditional weddings, Natasha remained unseen and getting ready upstairs while the groom’s side were getting downstairs. Everybody is now here and ready. The protocol can start.
The Groomsmen Gift Exchange
The ceremony is ready to start when the groom and the groomsmen are walking to the bride’s house. They are bringing presents that are given in a very formal way in front of the house. Only then are they welcomed inside. The bridesmaids are bringing flowers that will be given to significant people from both families.
The Vietnamese Tea Ceremony.
The ceremony is centered around respect, gratitude, and a formal request for the bride’s hand in marriage. Several speeches are traditionally part of this tradition. A welcome speech from the master ceremony, acceptance speech from the bride’s side, a word of wisdom from the elder or parents and finally a brief thank you from the couple. In my specific experience only Michael’s father talked.
The Gifts Exchange in a Vietnamese Tea Ceremony:
The gifts are fundamentally a transaction of respect and unity between families, distributed across three distinct groups:
The Bride’s Parents and Family:
Accepting the groomsmen gifts serves as the family’s official approval of the marriage and permission for the groom to marry their daughter.
The Ancestors:
Before anyone else consumes or touches the gifts, the bride’s father or an elder takes a portion of the tea, wine, fruits, and cakes and places them directly onto the bride’s family ancestral altar. The couple burns incense and bows to the altar to invite their ancestors to witness the marriage, report the union, and ask for their blessings.
The Bride and Groom:
While the food and symbolic trays go to the bride’s family home, the bride and groom receive the personal wealth gifts.
The groom’s mother directly fastens the gold jewelry (necklaces, earrings, bracelets) onto the bride.
Both sets of parents, grandparents, and aunts/uncles will then gift the newlyweds red envelopes filled with cash. This financial foundation belongs entirely to the couple to help them start their new life together
What About the Tea?
In a Vietnamese wedding tea ceremony, the tea itself is not just a beverage; it is a deeply symbolic tool used to establish family hierarchy, express profound gratitude, and formally seal the marriage. The couple must hold the teacup with both hands and offer it with a slight bow.
Tea is served in a strict chronological order of age and status, starting with maternal grandparents, paternal grandparents, parents, and then aunts and uncles. The most critical moment of the ceremony happens when the parents and elders accept the cup and drink the tea. Drinking the tea acts as the formal, public “Yes” to the marriage. Only after they drink the tea do they hand over the gold jewelry and red financial envelopes.
The Shared Meal.
Now our couple is officially approved to be married, both families can share a meal together !
Documenting your Vietnamese Tea Ceremony Wedding in Kansas City
Being invited into a Vietnamese tea ceremony was one of those moments where the camera became secondary. I was a guest first, a photographer second, and I left with more than photos. That is how I show up to every wedding I photograph. If you want to understand what documentary wedding photography means when I do it, you can read more here. If you are planning your own Vietnamese wedding in Kansas City and want a photographer who cares about the tradition as much as the celebration, I would love to talk.
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